We are all heart-broken over the gun violence in Newtown, CT at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Many of us are questioning gun laws and wondering about mental health support in our country. Before we dive into our what-to-do list, lets examine a few numbers since this is also a time when our fear is not necessarily congruent with actual threats.
So how do kids actually die in the U.S.?
Total number of hyperthermia deaths of children left in cars, 2012: 29
Total number of choking deaths under age 10 each year: 80
Total number that die from child abuse each year: 1,825
Total number that die from unintentional accidents each year: 1,466
Total number from gun shots each year: 2,900
So what can you do if you believe your child is at risk for becoming violent?
1. Consult a Counselor: A good counselor can help parents process their concerns and also provide individual work with the child. They can teach anger management, distress tolerance and many other important coping skills. Expect to spend $100-200/hr and attend 1-2 times per week.
2. Consult a Case Manager: They can help you identify all the different treatment options. So often, parents have no idea what is out there and how to access help. Parents mistakenly believe it’s either individual counseling or an ER visit. A skilled and experienced Case Manger will help find someone to conduct an assessment, list possible interventions and help with all the paperwork and phone calls. This is typically the absolute best use of money and time for parents. Expect to spend $200 for a consultation and $100-200/hr for ongoing help.
2. Meet with the School: Schedule a meeting immediately with the school counselor, teachers, the school psychologist and assistant principle. If you do not have a Case Manager in place to facilitate this meeting, make sure you communicate that the goal of the meeting is to understand what your child’s behavior is like at school, share your concerns, and make sure that everyone involved in your child’s life is aware and looking for signs of distress. Expect to spend about 3-4 hrs per month with the school via email, phone or in-person.
3. Get an Evaluation: This is something your counselor or Case Manager can help start. It can be a confusing and overwhelming process if you do not know the right questions to ask and expectations for the evaluator. We recommend only using a licensed psychologist for evaluations. Expect to spend $1000-5000 for the evaluation and for it to take about 6 hrs.
4. Don’t Put Off Getting Help: It’s one thing to put off washing your car or scrubbing the guest bathroom toilet. This is something you do not want to wait on. Worst care scenario is that you get an evaluation completed, consult with a Case Manger and meet with the school – and nothing happens. Or wait. Is this actually the best case scenario? Ultimately, we can never know what we really avoided. It’s also tempting to see kids display some weird behavior and blow it off. Don’t. Ask them what’s going on and how (not if) you can help. Give them the option of talking with someone at school or that new counselor you found. Get help and support now. You can always get rid of the professionals when things are stable. Expect to have professionals involved 6-12 months.
Please, do not wait. Fonthill Counseling offers complimentary consults and there are many other case management and counseling agencies that may do the same in your area. A good agency will not try to sell services and will be honest with how to help and what you may need. Whether you think your child may have autsim, aspergers, conduct disorder, bipolar or depression – ask a professional for insight and analysis on your options. You are not alone.