All of us believe we see the world for what it is. We believe that what we see, hear and experience are real. Unfortunately, it’s just not true. Every bit of information that enters our brain comes through a filter. These filters are developed over childhood and adolescence and help us quickly categorize people, places, and things. That’s good thing, right? Most of the time, our filters are protecting us from bad things happening.

College students are especially susceptible to distortions. Their brains are still in the late stages of adolescence, they live in a virtual bubble on campus, and are caught between friends, classwork and trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up.

Here are the ten most common cognitive errors and biases college students experience and some suggestions on how parents can respond.

Black-and-White Thinking

Example – “You always ask about my grades. You never care about anything else!”

Response – Don’t argue or provide evidence. Instead, reflect what they’re saying. You are not going to change their mind so let them vent.

Overgeneralization

Example – “I’ll never find girlfriend!”

Response – Same with black and white thinking, you’re not going to change their mind in one conversation. Don’t argue or provide evidence to the contrary. Instead, reflect what they’re saying. They’re likely hurting so acknowledge it.

Mental Filters

Example – “I’m terrible at chemistry.”

Response – They’re focusing on the negative. Reflect they are struggling. Ask what three things you can do to help.

Rejecting the Positive

Example – “I got an A but it was only because my professor had a big curve.”

Response – Don’t argue they’re good or deserve whatever they got. Instead, ask them what they do have control over.

Mind Reading

Example – “She hasn’t said it but I know she doesn’t like me.”

Response – This one is driven by self-esteem and has little to do with feedback from others. Try asking what benefit they get from deciding what others believe and feel.

Fortune Telling

Example – “If I go to that party, I’m just going to be miserable.”

Response – Ask what are all the possible outcomes from something. Fortune telling makes us focus on one outcome which just coincidentally is the worst.

Magnification

Example – “I have to go! It’s the last time I’ll ever hang out with this group of friends!”

Response – This is one of those distortions I will occasionally challenge by asking how they know the expected outcome will in fact occur.

Emotional Reasoning

Example – “Even though my grades are good, I know I’m a terrible student.”

Response – “Sounds like you believe your grades don’t reflect how you’re feeling. What are you doing that makes you think you’re not performing well?”

Shoulding

Example – “I shouldn’t have to tell you what my grades are!”

Response – Shoulding is a distortion of expectation. It means the college student is attached to a certain outcome. This is the place for boundaries.

Labeling

Example – “I’m just not a good student!”

Response – Asking lots of questions of when this belief first developed and guiding them through future options if they really do need a change.

Personalization

Example – “Our group failed because of that one kid.”

Response – This one is tricky because sometimes people really do mess something up. I like to figure out how they handle feeling a loss of control. I also like refocusing them to identify what they do have control over in the future. Sometimes, personalization comes in the form of ‘self-personalization’ in that we take a disproportionate amount of responsibility when something goes wrong (or right).