Our neighbor has a pool and a college student … with lots and lots of loud friends.
After the third consecutive night of cars parked up and down the block, music raging and the neighbor kids partying late (not to the mention the day parties), I started to think about how challenging it must be for parents to figure out where the line is between reasonable Summer hanging out and going overboard. If they don’t have school or work the next day, what’s the big deal? Why not just let them hang out late and wake up late the next day?

Here is a list of considerations when trying to figure out if you college student just partying too much for the Summer.

Sleeping in Late

There’s nothing inherently wrong with sleeping late but if your college student has anxiety, depression or other mental health challenges, having uneven sleep can make things worse. Add in alcohol, pot and social issues and mental health issues can actually get way worse.

Solution? It’s fine to let kids stay up late but even if they don’t have anything specific to wake up to the next day, make sure they create an artificial time to get up by and stick to it each day.

Avoiding Responsibilities 

I don’t think college students need to work 40 hours a week throughout the Summer but there should be a minimum number of responsibilities you all agree with at the beginning of Summer. A warning sign that partying is too much is if you all did nail down expectations  and your college student has more than a day or two of pushing off responsibilities.

Solution? If you have not listed your expectations or their goals for the Summer, start with that. Once you have those discussed, make it clear that being social is fine as long as it doesn’t get in the way of moving their life forward. If necessary, tie their responsibilities to money or access to the car. You don’t want to have those daily arguments trying to get them to get stuff done so make sure to make it explicit you will not be negotiating and begging.

More Intense Partying

Sometimes, as Summer progresses hanging out stretches longer into the night, gets louder and maybe partying gets more intense. If you son or daughter is mostly going out rather than having other folks over, they may stay out later and later. they may even start engaging in avoidant behavior (eg. avoiding meals with family members). While not a big red flag for one or two missed meals or not being around, I think it’s important for parents to be aware early on how their behavior is changing as they stay out later.

Solution? Talk with them about your expectation around spending time with the family, curfew or use of the car. Even if your college student has ‘their own car’ – make your expectations clear…no driving after having drunk ANY alcohol or used drugs. Partying is great but having things ramp up week after week to the point where the Summer has been wasted away probably is not super desirable for anyone.

I think the way to frame it to college kids is that Summer should definitely be for relaxing and having fun, as long as some basic expectations and responsibilities are maintained. There’s so much free time and opportunity to earn some money, work on personal projects and even pick up some extra college credits with easy online classes. Finding that balance between the serious stuff and fun stuff can be challenging but much easier if discussed in the first few days of kiddos being home.